Helllllloooooooooo

Helllloooo. I. Am. Jorrrdaaaan. I pway punk rock moosic.  I am Jesus. I like sunds of an...an...an...I like the biker show!  girl did bad things to me.  I smoke gooonnnnjjjaaaa. Reggae. Klattu.  Wut?  Work hard...I'm krayzeee.  Don't hit on my girls cause they belong to me! Buddha...yoga?  REGGAE! I'm on the radio!  I hama jeanyous.  I have a company!  hippies are gud.  SAINTS ROW 2!!!  I am a asshole.  But a ginorus 1.  I'm sad :(  I am the boss...

Where did evree1 go?

Hai

Herro. Mai namuh Dirrah Bowkair.  I rikuh pray drums. I doeet rear guud.  I pray fast and makuh phat cash.  I smokuh herra kush.  BETTUH ZHAN URS! I rikuh mai dad.  He makuh rear guud dorrars.  He gimme sum.  I rikuh buy spaghetti and not eat eet.  My mirkshake bringuh all duh boyz to dah yarrrd.  I rivuh a rife rike a gangsta REAL HARD!  hahaha. I rituh song.  ISA BETTUH XAN U DU!!  I rikuh xurcise and rong walks on dah getto avenu.  I rikuh vagina but notuh weemen.  I phink i axrurarry rike butt sex wif strong-willed fireman.  But I donut kno.  I inventuh syncopatd jozz ruffs and I pray dem PERFECT.  I donut rike aimiral correctif.  Theyuh have too many drummers.  I donut rikuh Tiger Woods.  But heuh guud ata golf.  I respectuh that.  I pran to teachuh proper xurcise techuhneeks to dah peepl wiff my xpeensif dgree.  Thankuh very much!